Thursday, February 24, 2011

What's On My Mind....

Nothing; really NOTHING!  I mean regular day to day stuff, issues with my husband’s injuries etc will always be there but as far as consuming and nagging, shouting, stressful and overwhelmingly a waste of energy, things… NOTHING! Until recently I was working; yes, I worked from home but it was a job running a nationwide endeavor or programs that were a part of one… and it kept me extremely busy.  Things have changed and after nearly 5 years of working from home daily I am now unemployed.

I thought for sure I would lose my mind and need something to keep me busy.  I was frantically going over scenarios in my mind to fill the void and find work.  One thing I learned is that working in the nonprofit realm is not just a job it becomes an all consuming time crunching and massive monster that eats you alive at all times of the day and night.  How to reach more people, help more people and complete your mission…. It never ends it even gets to you in your dreams!

Now, I am no longer daily pursuing the mission.  I am not owned by the monster and honestly for the first time in ages I feel wonderful! I don’t have tension attacks and migraines at the beginning of the work week, I am not putting my family and home off to pursue the importance of the “mission” and I find I enjoy being on the computer instead of dreading my office time!

I have nothing on my mind daily; I have nothing consuming me when I try to go to sleep.  I can concentrate on the here and the now without worrying about how I will get all on my schedule done “in time.”

My quote for today is Helen Keller:
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we took so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened up for us”

I have heard many people after a time, tell me that losing their job was the best thing that ever happened to them in the long run; it allowed them to take risks they otherwise would have shied from and pursued dreams they had set aside to do their work and maintain their security.  

I have had the privilege of pursuing and succeeding at the one goal/ dream I had before me in my work with Operation Life Transformed that included seeing it over to new ownership and governance and now I have the chance to pursue my next one.  I’m not even sure what exactly it is yet but I’m ready!  I have time to think about it since really, I have nothing on my mind now.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

It's ALL In There.....

There is often a theory brought forward, in women’s magazines, business writings and with all those who are part of the powers that be to teach us how to be better in our lives, This theory is one of roles. We wear many different hats in life so to speak and we need to be good at wearing the right hat at the right time to be the best at the role set before us at that moment.

I have been pondering this lot lately because I really find it impossible. I am a mother, I am a wife and a daughter and a friend; I am an employee and a mentor and a student and a problem solver; at times I am a teacher and guide while others I seek advice and growth. I have not yet learned how I can take off my “mom hat” when I am working as an outreach specialist. I cannot figure out how to remove my wife hat when I am being a mentor or a student.

It is a current cultural phenomenon that we should simply be only the role we are in at the moment and no other in order to be the best at that one thing. I am finding I find that an absurd and impossible process that also requires me to remove half of my thinking and thus handicap myself in those roles.

I am a mother, as one I am good at being a referee and nurturer as well as guide. I am a professional who reaches out to those I do not know without any shyness or embarrassment. I am a student of those I respect and admire to learn how to better improve my own life and I don’t remove that hat.

I am finding for me, the best thing is to instead of trying to compartmentalize my life into these different individual roles that I am best to approach everything as a whole being. The roles I play bring a richness and capability to everything I do. To choose to only have one part of me tackle a problem because it is “work” when the teacher side of me may be what is needed seems foolish. It is by using all of our experiences to filter through and address a problem that we find the most creative and successful solutions.

My job has taught me to use non abrasive tactics in a lot of areas that being a mother would never have afforded (I mean really mom is a commander worker is a team member). Being a leader has taught me the best methods to learn when to step back and be gracious as a wife (yes unbelievable I know but good leaders know when to let others take the reins for them!).

I am entering into my own cultural revolution. One that uses all of me in every aspect to be everything I was created to be. The God of the universe did not orchestrate this life for me with all it’s wonder, sorrow excitement and abundance as well as need for me to compartmentalize but to bring it forth in all of its learning and usefulness to always be the best I can be at everything I put my hand to. I am choosing excellence in all things and this means incorporating all of my roles and events to come to the table as a whole and complete person.

This is just my random wanderings in the bunny trail that is my brain this week.

Friday, March 19, 2010

What I meant to say……

I have been thinking on this subject for a couple of weeks now. How often in life do we walk away from a person and event a subject and we never really say what we meant to. Now let me clarify I am not talking about “giving a piece of your mind” to someone or insulting them. I think we have too many people walking around being rude and unloving because it is their “right” when frankly, I agree 100% with Proverbs that says a kind word turns away wrath.

What I am talking about is a friend, a colleague, an acquaintance or someone you have run into who has done something they may not even realize that has positively touched your life. A cashier who although they have had a long day still smiles and asks how you are and maybe even chats about the local weather. Take that moment to thank them, to smile, to say have a wonderful evening… The person at church who takes an extra moment to stop come over to you and say hello, a child who does a little something sweet. These things happen all the time but we tend to focus on the person who cut us off on the highway, who jumped us in line, who doesn’t do things the way we think they should…..

Over the past few months a woman has become a part of my church that literally just exudes joy. I have never met anyone so lit up from inside. I know she has struggles; we all know since she has been through cancer treatments once and is facing it again within the next month. She started coming to our church with no hair but her eyes and her face positively shine. Her smile illuminates her eyes! Just being in her presence can make you stop thinking about what you face and have a moment that shares in her delight.

I don’t know her well, only casually at this time but every time I see her she blesses me. Last week, when I saw her I felt a need to tell her how her joyfulness makes my day. I did not expect it to impact her the way it did. In the moment I spoke I realized sometimes we need to stop what we are doing long enough to let the people around us know their positive impact on our life. Too often we only seem to share the negative and miss the opportunity to speak life and love to another person who is struggling to do the best they can with what life has given them.

I don’t know why THAT day I felt the need to speak except that one thing my life as a military wife has taught me is that if there is something you should say to another in love don’t let the chance pass you by. My need to speak to her was so much so I am not even sure I thought it through; I just spoke. Honestly, we need to recognize we may not get another opportunity to speak the things we feel at that time. You may forget or lose track of someone or even God forbid, they can be gone forever.

I have lost a sister, 2 grandmothers, my father and more friends than I want to think of over the years and they are gone forever. I can honestly say I wish had spoken to each of them about all they brought that was wonderful and loving and fun and special into my life. I am trying not to allow any more people pass out of my life without letting them know what good they bring me. I am convinced it can do nothing but good and really we all need some more good!

Friday, February 26, 2010

A little bit less......

It's funny I never thought I was a person of excess.  I am usually quite happy with what I have and although yes, I may want other things I don't find myself consumed with thinking about it in any way.

Lately though, I have been practicing "a little bit less." It wasn't an intentional action it was one born of exhaustion and frustration. I was beginnning to feel like I cold not keep up with everything I "needed" to do and yet things kept piling up and overwhelming me. So in order to keep going I started making changes I decided what happens if I do less?  What if I buy a little less (I am not a big shopper anyways LOL), I eat a little less, I "do" a little less as far as extras.........

 Less of the things everyone else does and not stress over what doesn't get finished today?  How many things REALLY need done NOW and cannot wait one more day? I don't mean not fulfilling needs but the things we THINK we have to get done all the time.  The things we waste all our time and energy trying to finish that really, in the big picture is negligiable?

I was put on a new medicine recently and it makes me need more sleep so I am going to bed earlier.  Thats a good thing since most of us run around sleep deprived but cannot figure out why we suffer migraines and other types of chronic issues.  I stopped buying so much junk food etc when I grocery shopped (ok the kids are having fits over no Dr Pepper) and I lost 4 pounds.  Go figure.

Now I don't advocate not parenting or keeping a sanitary home or being involved in your children's lives but I do think we way over reach ourselves in the name of "need" when what it is  really, is wanting to prove we can do. We can afford to put our kids in every activity; we can afford to have clubs; we can afford to go out and meet up etc. in the expenditure of both time and money (technically) but things are getting out of whack in too many palces anymore.  Nnot everything we can do; we should do.  In 1 Corinthians 10:23 Paul says everything is permissable but not everything is beneficial. Parents are dictated to by Johnny's soccer  and Mary's dance class and both are in extra clubs and swimming but they never sit at home together and just relax and talk and enjoy each other. 

Anyway I am doing a bit less and feeling a lot better.  It may be worth looking into for you as well.  One thing we can never gain back is time and in all my years of roaming around as a military wife I have not met a single parent or family member who says "Gee I wish I had spent LESS time with my family." They all say the opposite.  I often hear from parents of older children and my older friends how they wish they had stopped to enjoy life and relax more.  There is something to be learned there for me.....