Thursday, February 15, 2007

A touch of humor for your long winter days.......

I really can't believe I am sharing this with the world, but as my co-worker and co-conspirator KY tells me, it's just too funny to not share.....

Now as most of you know, or for those who don't, I wear two behind the ear hearing aids. These things are, I know, miraculous devices BUT sometimes they drive me nuts. They buzz and make my ears itch and rub behind them raw well and all kinds of "fun" stuff. Yesterday, during work (I work in a virtual office setting from my home) I was on the phone and took the one out of my ear that was not connected to the phone. As I was getting ready to hang up, I looked down on my desk and saw a long hair on it. Being the awesome housekeeper that I am (NOT) I picked it up and tossed it to the floor.

Seems boring and normal enough but, have you ever done something and the full realization doesn't hit you until it is too late to stop the action? Connected to that piece of long hair, was one little tan behind the ear hearing aid that really, makes me able to communicate with the world. As the hair was leaving my hand, it registered that it was connected there but, it was too late and a piece of hair tossed with the added weight of the hearing aid, well let us just say, it goes flying. Somewhere one of the great scientists, I am sure, perhaps even Newton himself, made a law stating that a tossing of something utterly stupid is guaranteed to set in motion a ridiculous event.

Did I mention in my previous post that gushed about my house that we have that new shag carpeting? I really love it, so pretty and the texture is great; I love the longer pile of it and how it feels under your bare feet. Did I also mention it happens to be tan? Not just any old tan but almost the exact color of my hearing aids? I looked in the direction I thought I tossed that hair and all I see is that ocean of tan shag in front of me.

It doesn't take a genius to deduce that I am now in quite a fix. I really am non functioning without my hearing aids and wearing only one makes me dizzy and nauseous (don't ask me why the audiologist says it is pretty common to have that happen if you are used to two of them). So I need to have the one I just threw into the sea of tan shag carpeting and boxes and stuff surrounding me (I am not quite unpacked yet either but that is another post all together). What to do? I looked all around and it's no where to be seen. I searched under the desk, around the boxes, beside the file cabinet and still I cannot find it.

Now what? How do I find it? My mind was starting to race; what if I step on it? What if it is lost for good? Or broken ? At this point a brilliant idea hits me, whenever you have both hearing aids on, and they get close to each other they squeal. I know when I pulled my hearing aid out, I had not turned it off so I decided to take the other one out. I started to make sweeping motions with my arm in an arc over the carpet very slowly while crawling around on all fours to see if I could find it.

Did I mention I can't hear so good, hence the NEED for these hot little numbers? I am still not sure what on earth made me think I could hear it squeal. With my hearing aids out I hear very very little. When our house alarm goes off I can't hear that; I can't hear the phone ring beside my bed or the toilet flush in the bathroom connected to my bedroom; but I think I will hear the high pitched squeal of the two hearing aids getting close to each other?????

Now, I also happen to be in possession of another very rare and unique assistive device: a dog. Not just any old dog but Gretchen the Hearing Dog! Well, despite what people think, she is not always a brilliant set of ears, as a matter of a fact at that moment she thought I was on the floor to play with her and so she kept coming over to lick my face. As much as I love this dog, at that moment I really wanted her to do a Lassie for me where her ears prick up and she prances right over to my lost hearing aid. AIN'T happening!

After a couple of minutes of crawling around with my dog constantly coming over to lick me and my arm getting tired I put my head down in sheer frustration on the carpet. With my hiney in the air, on all fours and frustrated to no end, what does my eye see as I lay my head down on that carpet to cry? Yes my hearing aid right beside the leg of my chair and the paper shredder. *sigh* why not?